This week I updated a page on my website where I am answering common questions I receive from readers about self esteem issues. Some of the points raised in emails occur again and again so I wanted to put online some of my thoughts addressing problems with self confidence and self improvement.
The page is here so please go take a look at some of my answers.
Some of the most important questions I've answered are:
What do I need to work on if I feel confident about myself, but others don't?
I get tensed up with every small thing when people are watching me. This thing is eating me up and I will be glad if you help me deal with it.
How can I stay in a long lasting relationship?
Some pretty important questions there! I'm sure you'll benefit from some of my answers so go take a look and see if they help you.
Showing posts with label self confidence. Show all posts
Showing posts with label self confidence. Show all posts
Tuesday, 25 June 2013
Friday, 30 March 2012
An interesting excerise for you...
Today I want to give you a few exercises to do which will help improve your self esteem and mindset.
Let's get straight to it!
Get a pen and some paper:
Ready?
First, write out all the limiting, negative beliefs you have about yourself.
Hint: start with I can't, I don't, I am too.., I don't have...etc. (You are really trying to get reasons why have low self esteem)
Second, write out compelling reasons why you must have more self esteem and self confidence. What would that mean to you? How would your life change? Try to get 100 reasons if you can.
Third, list 100 ways to boost your self esteem. What can you do to build your esteem and confidence?
Fourth, make a list of goals of things you want to achieve or steps you need to take and include deadlines to achieve them.
This exercise may take some time but it will be time well spent. It will help you by changing from a negative mindset focused on failure to a mindset determined to succeed.
If you find the above useful then you will certainly benefit from my e-book Self Esteem Secrets, or you can check out my website and find about how Life Coaching can help you.
Take care,
Karl Perera
Let's get straight to it!
Get a pen and some paper:
Ready?
First, write out all the limiting, negative beliefs you have about yourself.
Hint: start with I can't, I don't, I am too.., I don't have...etc. (You are really trying to get reasons why have low self esteem)
Second, write out compelling reasons why you must have more self esteem and self confidence. What would that mean to you? How would your life change? Try to get 100 reasons if you can.
Third, list 100 ways to boost your self esteem. What can you do to build your esteem and confidence?
Fourth, make a list of goals of things you want to achieve or steps you need to take and include deadlines to achieve them.
This exercise may take some time but it will be time well spent. It will help you by changing from a negative mindset focused on failure to a mindset determined to succeed.
If you find the above useful then you will certainly benefit from my e-book Self Esteem Secrets, or you can check out my website and find about how Life Coaching can help you.
Take care,
Karl Perera
Sunday, 7 November 2010
You get what you expect from others...
In this short article I am going to talk about how those who suffer from low self esteem get what they expect from others. That is, they anticipate that someone will react to what they say or do in a certain way and guess what, they do!
This is called self-fulfilling prophecy.
This expectation causes the person to bring about their own self destruction.
After explaining exactly what is going on we'll also look at how anybody who has low self esteem can take corrective action and help improve how they communicate with others in order to boost self esteem and confidence rather than self destruct...
Generally if you suffer from low self esteem then you'll also think negatively of yourself and expect anything you say to others to be received negatively. Guess what, this is exactly what will happen. What you fear will come true. what you're doing is confirming that you are correct to think of yourself negatively. You are justifying your negative thinking and feelings of low self esteem. How you do this is by acting in a way that will make the other person act the way you expect.
Maybe you use negative body language or stutter or get confused or maybe you panic or blush. Your mind is actually working against you. all because your brain is trying to prove to you that your feelings of insecurity are correct.
You don't have to go through this forever. You can turn this around and start to build your confidence as you do so. How?
First, learn to slow down and breath evenly and relax.
Second, very important this one. No matter how you feel smile.
Third, say something positive to yourself and imagine you look confident.
These steps can help you to start to expect the opposite, a positive reaction. Look for a friendly smile from the other person and note that a question means the other person is interested in what you have to say.
Just go from there and build up the conversation. Try to talk but not too much, listen also. Nervous people often forget to listen and then get embarrassed when they forget what the other person said or they make an error.
Good luck you're a step closer to building your self esteem.
Did you find these tips about building self esteem useful? You can learn a lot more here:
Self Confidence Tips
This is called self-fulfilling prophecy.
This expectation causes the person to bring about their own self destruction.
After explaining exactly what is going on we'll also look at how anybody who has low self esteem can take corrective action and help improve how they communicate with others in order to boost self esteem and confidence rather than self destruct...
Generally if you suffer from low self esteem then you'll also think negatively of yourself and expect anything you say to others to be received negatively. Guess what, this is exactly what will happen. What you fear will come true. what you're doing is confirming that you are correct to think of yourself negatively. You are justifying your negative thinking and feelings of low self esteem. How you do this is by acting in a way that will make the other person act the way you expect.
Maybe you use negative body language or stutter or get confused or maybe you panic or blush. Your mind is actually working against you. all because your brain is trying to prove to you that your feelings of insecurity are correct.
You don't have to go through this forever. You can turn this around and start to build your confidence as you do so. How?
First, learn to slow down and breath evenly and relax.
Second, very important this one. No matter how you feel smile.
Third, say something positive to yourself and imagine you look confident.
These steps can help you to start to expect the opposite, a positive reaction. Look for a friendly smile from the other person and note that a question means the other person is interested in what you have to say.
Just go from there and build up the conversation. Try to talk but not too much, listen also. Nervous people often forget to listen and then get embarrassed when they forget what the other person said or they make an error.
Good luck you're a step closer to building your self esteem.
Did you find these tips about building self esteem useful? You can learn a lot more here:
Self Confidence Tips
Thursday, 6 May 2010
Here's a quick way to boost your positivity Tip #7
Are you scared of challenges?
You're not alone. Most people worry about facing new or difficult tasks but it doesn't have to be this way. Let me show you why challenges are your best friends.
What is a challenge?
It is something you see as difficult. Many tasks come along that fill people with fear and often it is because you have not done the task before. In this case be happy rather than scared because the challenge is a chance to move forward, an opportunity for you to learn a new skill that will make you a more successful person.
Challenges can build your self esteem because they lift you to a higher place and when you do something beyond what you have achieved before you are growing as a person and this will make you more confident.
Challenges seem scary at first because of the unknown factor or because you are not sure what will happen and this makes you uncomfortable. Each time you overcome a challenge you will grow as a person and as you are able to do more you'll build your positivity.
Challenges are not to be feared but you should be excited to tick them off one by one and then afterwards you should reward yourself.
If you want to be more positive and change your thoughts so they will help you, then challenges are the way and facing them and overcoming your fears will make you a champion.
Good luck!
By the way, I've just come across a new course which shows you how easy it is to change your thinking and use your mind to transform and improve your life..Please go check out The Forgotten Laws now.
Thursday, 21 May 2009
Bad Self Image
I've decided to answer a selection of emails and post them here so that you can benefit from the questions my visitors send me.
Here's an email I just received:
"I think the problem with me is that I have bad self image to the point where if I dont think I look good I wont be confident, and I'm just not happy with how I look so it therefore equals to me not being happy with who I am. I'm not an obviously vain person but its beginning to click with me that my self esteem is linked to my looks.
Well, it's a common problem especially with women. You see images of beautiful, slim models on TV and you feel ugly or fat because you don't think you compare. Perhaps you think you need to lose weight or you dont think you are attractive. Whatever the problem is it is common now.
It is difficult to get over this and needs you to get confidence step by step. It also needs a different way of thinking. You need to start focusing on your good points and try to accept yourself as you are. What are you good at? Who likes you and why? Is anybody attracted to you and if so what do they like about you?
Make a list of all your good points and any compliments people have given you write them down. This will help you when you feel bad.
Of course, if you do have a physical problem then get help.
If your problem is one of self image then tell a friend and maybe they can help. Make yourself feel more confident by trying a new hairstyle or new clothes. If it makes you feel more confident then do it. Maybe you will get a bit more attention from those you are trying to attract and this will boost your confidence...
Yes, action is needed to improve self image!
If you can, this is not easy, try to focus on other things apart from appearance and looks. Most people find personality, friendliness and humour very attractive and at work you will be judged by what you do rather than what you look like.
I will not deny that looks are an advantage and play a part, but much less than you believe...
You are unique, start today by showing the world just how unique you are!
Good luck building your self esteem...
My e-book "Self Esteem Secrets" will help you build your self esteem and confidence.
Get a copy of Self Esteem Secrets today!
Here's an email I just received:
"I think the problem with me is that I have bad self image to the point where if I dont think I look good I wont be confident, and I'm just not happy with how I look so it therefore equals to me not being happy with who I am. I'm not an obviously vain person but its beginning to click with me that my self esteem is linked to my looks.
I have done this course and read Mckennas book instant confidence but it doesn't seem to make me feel better."
My answer:Well, it's a common problem especially with women. You see images of beautiful, slim models on TV and you feel ugly or fat because you don't think you compare. Perhaps you think you need to lose weight or you dont think you are attractive. Whatever the problem is it is common now.
It is difficult to get over this and needs you to get confidence step by step. It also needs a different way of thinking. You need to start focusing on your good points and try to accept yourself as you are. What are you good at? Who likes you and why? Is anybody attracted to you and if so what do they like about you?
Make a list of all your good points and any compliments people have given you write them down. This will help you when you feel bad.
Of course, if you do have a physical problem then get help.
If your problem is one of self image then tell a friend and maybe they can help. Make yourself feel more confident by trying a new hairstyle or new clothes. If it makes you feel more confident then do it. Maybe you will get a bit more attention from those you are trying to attract and this will boost your confidence...
Yes, action is needed to improve self image!
If you can, this is not easy, try to focus on other things apart from appearance and looks. Most people find personality, friendliness and humour very attractive and at work you will be judged by what you do rather than what you look like.
I will not deny that looks are an advantage and play a part, but much less than you believe...
You are unique, start today by showing the world just how unique you are!
Good luck building your self esteem...
My e-book "Self Esteem Secrets" will help you build your self esteem and confidence.
Get a copy of Self Esteem Secrets today!
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